The God Pan as Box Man - August 28, 2005
Since I don't have a common theme to play with today
and there are lots of images I haven't found space to
include, consider this a rummage sale of moments,
stories, and such that I've seen and heard while on
the road.
But let's start with the god Pan, the avatar of
drunken debauchery and profligate fucking from the
pagan days of multiple-god worship that was turned
into the image of Satan by over-zealous Christians who
believed that the flavor of life should be colored by
many shades of gray. In case you haven't figured it
out, I am a blithering Tom Robbins fan and Jitterbug
Perfume gave the god Pan a major, if not starring
role, and the impression stuck.
Why do I mention this now?
Because I think it possible that the god Pan had to go
underground and reincarnate as a human being to
survive the attack, and although he has lost power,
his spirit still lives. And for some crazy damn
reason, I'm convinced his current incarnation is in
the form of Michael Pando, aka Pando to his friends.
For those of you who know Pando, this statement makes
total sense because he adores booze to the point of
alcoholism and young girls barely into the phase of
adulthood. Since he's lost god-status and
invincibility, he is weakened by his passions for the
party that doesn't stop and often winds up in jail.
Everybody who knows Pando has a half dozen outrageous
Pando stories to tell, which will become legend.
It is inevitable.
Love him or hate him, he is a character, but a
character challenged by finding his good space in this
world. He was chased out of Juneau due to a shoot out
with a psycho bum who had taken over the cabin he had
built.
That kind of thing, you know.
This past summer, Pando had a touristic rafting job
with an anal company - which seems to be the case with
many touristic companies in Alaska, you know. Anyway,
being himself, Pando got drunk one night and stole a
golf cart - buck nekkid - and had security chasing
him. To disguise himself, he put a box over his head
and hightailed it to safety.
Thus he became known throughout this camp as "Box
Man." Every so often, Box Man would make a naked
public appearance streaking through at the most random
moments and it wasn't long before he became legend as
the "Box Man," and the best part was that nobody knew
it was him. One day, he was talking to some dude from
some other country and the guy said with a thick
accent, "Box Man, I think he like Zorro. Box man, he
come for de peeple."
Can you just imagine hearing something like that about
yourself?
It wasn't long before Pando got putted out due to
failing a surprise piss test. Well, he had to make a
spectacular exit, didn't he? His people would expect
it of Box Man.
So one night, when everybody was at dinner, including
all the bosses, Box Man makes his final appearance,
nakedly running in with a box over him. He stops,
strips the box away and stands there bare ass and
cock, unmasked for all to see before streaking away
and packing up his shit to go.
He may have even been sober.
Since I've only heard about this through the
grapevine, I may not have all the details straight.
But what the hell, it makes a good story.
The god Pan keeping the spirit alive....what do y'all
think?
Montgomery
Pando really was something else. Come to think of it, he still is. Another friend made during Outdoor Studies (ODS). I remember he always had his video camera everywhere, and the only time he didn't shoot were when the batteries got to cold and the camera didn't work. I have a vivid memory of him in Avalanche class turning the camera on himself and saying: "For all those who said I would never get anywhere..." then he did a long shot across this snow covered mountains and valley with blue skies as he said, "I'm here..." and then turn the camera back on himself and finished, "and you're not." Then he got up on his snowboard and rode down the slope, still aiming his camera and saying, "Yeah!"
I've never met anybody who lives on the edge like he does. I remember Joe and I gossiping about Pando and his friendship with a girl who was 19. Joe was convinced they were screwing. And I thought that was a bit much given that he was pushing 40. Joe said "No. The things Pando could teach a 19 year old are amazing." Good point. Pando's in Hawai'i these days, sporting a mohawk and surfing, and probably living in a tent on the beach.
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